someone threw a dead crab at me
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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