Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Less talking, more tequila
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
