Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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