Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
