Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
