Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
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