Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
