i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
you made out with another girl for some wings
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
