i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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