He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Randomize
