Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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