Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
