Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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