you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
