So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
i now understand why vodka
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
