I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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