Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
