My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
