we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
