so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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