it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
