I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
