My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
