Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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