Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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