im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
