I want to stick my p in your. b.
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Randomize
