i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
