I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
she looked like the before picture.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Randomize
