sorry about calling you the devil all night.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
