before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
