FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Boobs speak an international language.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
