He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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