Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize