i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
