Umm I'm too high to move.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
