the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
