if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize