He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Randomize
