Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I'm bleeding and have questions
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
