Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
