i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
