WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Randomize
