I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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