dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
