oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Can I color on your dick again?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
