I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
