i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
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