Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Randomize
