the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
