That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
