Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
