So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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