i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
She even gives head with a lisp.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
