i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
