I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
