You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
