i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I love you. Go after that dick
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
