I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
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