I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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