Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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