idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
