I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
