I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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