I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
