I bet he comes in French.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
