im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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