Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
