just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
